i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
