Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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