Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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