i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
