I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
