so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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