The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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