U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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