i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
