We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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