I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
