This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
