Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
