Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
