We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
