i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
