Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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