i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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