At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
