My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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