Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize