matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize