please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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