For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize