I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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