just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize