You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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