ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
