dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
