I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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