is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize