the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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