watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
