I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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