Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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