I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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