Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
