woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
