Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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