I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
