She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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