Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
