I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
