I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize