U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
