Having a random hookup so left but love u
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize