I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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