I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
