Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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