Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
