I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize