Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
