Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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