Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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