I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
