they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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