Sorry, I don't speak sober.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
