Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
