dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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