it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
