i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
