I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
