Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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