I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have feelings that need drinking.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
