Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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