his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
