That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Randomize
