She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
