allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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