I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
