Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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