just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
