I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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