It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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