where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
