You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
