Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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