I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize