I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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