Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
