dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
