Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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