it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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