I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
