apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
do herpes really smell.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
