actually, I'm a sock model
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize