Cold hands, warm shart.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
