you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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