Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
