half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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