...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
