if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
