I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
