Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
