when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
