glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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