I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
