Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
