i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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