And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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