Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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