so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
