No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
