My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize