Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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