you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
