Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's shark week go big or go home
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
