apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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