I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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