one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
