I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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